When you see yourself in the mirror, your features are inverted. You live your life seeing yourself as no one else sees you. Your reality is flipped. You see the faces of those around you as they do not see themselves.
Holy metaphor, Batman!
If everyone saw us as we see ourselves, would we all get along better? If our intentions were known immediately and without question by all, would people still misjudge and defect without pause for understanding? How do we bring about symbiosis when everyone’s instinct is to drive a narrative that forever portrays them as the victim? And when the spotlight shines upon you, do you shield the side of your face that holds the flaws we all need to see? Are you most concerned about showing your “good side” when the cameras flash?
Honestly, it comes down to two things: being accountable or loving the chess game. You really can’t do both. Someone who is stuck in lower chakra survival mode, in that baser, self-preservationist instinct-driven place where they don’t feel safe or that they can trust anyone has two choices: find a way out or build a house. You may have genuine, completely out of your hands reasons for how you got there, but it’s your choice to stay. There will be opportunities to leave that place, and there will be people on both sides trying to help you heal or keep you wounded. What you choose in those moments will continue to define you as a person. And if you stay there too long, get too comfortable with that hurt, you’ll start enjoying telling others your sob story. You’ll start to lose interest in ever getting better. You’ll start moving chess pieces.
If you love the chess game more than self-reflection, then you’ll begin sizing up those around you, exploiting what you deem are their weaknesses, and seizing the upper hand when it presents itself. The more evidence you can stack in your favor so that you’re the one who is most hurt when the spotlight shines down, the less you’ll ever need to take stock of who you really are when the curtains close for another night. Even at this juncture, you can elect to retire from the stage, from the mind games, from the toxic virus you bring to this world, and from your deviance to ever look internally at what you’re personally doing to sabotage the happiness of yourself and everyone around you. But it’s been my nearly 35 years of experience that those who love the game don’t often quit when they’re ahead - and they’re always ahead in their mind.
However, if you don’t love the chess game, never took the time to understand how to even play it, then maybe you have a shot at truly looking at the reflection in the mirror and making sure that who it resembles is consistent - whether in front of a mirror or not.
Hold Yourself Accountable
This is a small request. Really, it is. Just be honest with yourself. If you’re playing the victim all too often, maybe reflect upon why you’re doing that and go get those baser needs fulfilled. Be consistent. Resist the instinct that you’ve built to wallow and accuse and recondition yourself to point that finger back in towards yourself. Rebuild yourself into someone you’re proud of, someone you’d stand up for, and someone you’d aspire to be. Do the hard thing. If you mess up, own it. If people open their arms to you, drop your baggage off and let that shit go. Be strong and love yourself, and you will also be loved. I promise, there is good in this world if you meet it in kind. But you won’t receive it if you’re still keeping score.
Let the game end and put your whole face to the spotlight.